Loving Rachel
by Suh-lee-nuh
Summary: Avery and Rachel Levi are inseparable sisters. They're best friends, and do everything together. But when Rachel is suddenly killed in a harmless trip, Avery goes under. Follow Avery as memories crowd her mind, and how she gets back on her feet.
1. Going Under

_Loving Rachel_

_Note: This story is dedicated to my mom and my Aunt Michelle, who inspired me to write this._

_R.I.P. Michelle _

This story is somewhat based on a true story, and all reviews are very apprieciated! Thanks! - Selina(:

* * *

Prologue:

It's summer. It's now when I usually think about Rachel the most. Summer was her favorite time, and I can almost still see her out in the garden, picking wild flowers that grew in the

sides of the white picket fence our mother used to keep the dogs out. I can still see her racing down to our favorite spot and climbing up to our secret clubhouse that was hidden in the

branches of our father's thick fruitless mulberry trees. I can still see her sitting on our roof, painting the sunset in different, bright colors. I can see her running across the field barefoot,

riding her horse Violet, doing cartwheels down the hill, and taking my hand and telling me to run with her. I can remember all of these things she used to do, and I miss all these things

she used to do. Rachel was my sister, and she was the most loving and caring person in the world. When you spent time with Rachel, you would never want it to end. But it did. Because

now, Rachel is dead.

* * *

_Chapter one - Going Under_

I woke up to the sound of my mom digging through my drawers. "Do you have my black socks?" She kept on saying as she rummaged quickly. "No I don't. Get out of here." I pulled the

covers over my head. "You have to get out of bed whether you like it or not," She said as she stood up and fixed her messy brown hair. "You have to, Avery."

"No. Get the fuck out of my room." I say, closing my eyes and trying to go back to sleep.

"Avery…" My mother's voice cracks. "She would want you to be there." Her voice cracks at the end once more. I wish I would go deaf so I'll never half to hear it crack again.

"Leave me alone," My stomach rolls a threatening roll. I feel like I'm about to puke again. "Go!" I lamely scream. It's a pathetic attempt to make her leave.

My mother releases a sob and runs out without the black socks for the funeral. The funeral I'm refusing to go to. The funeral for my sister, Rachel.

My father tries now. His face is grave, looking like a ghost. He sits on my bed, pleading with me. I threaten to throw up on him. He tries to stroke my head, saying we are all going through

this. I slap his hand away and began to cry again. I watch him sit there, not knowing what to do. I watch him give up after a moment of silence and walk out the door. I watch him lose his

mind, one step at a time.

I fall asleep again. I wake up disoriented, and look around my room. For a split second I think that I was dreaming; only dreaming that Rachel was gone. Everything is alright; Rachel will

be back from her hike soon. I look around my room and then at my bedside table. I see Rachel's bracelet. My mind crashes back to reality. I am not dreaming. This is real, Rachel is really

gone. I pick up the bracelet and gently hold it between my fingers. It's a friendship bracelet, tied together with red and white string, held together by love. Rachel and I made matching

ones at camp when i was six and she was seven. Hers was red and white and mine was blue and white. I had lost mine a few months after camp, but Rachel still had hers on, claiming

that we were connected by them. I argued back that if I had lost mine, we weren't connected, but Rachel persisted. "I'll never take it off." She promised. And she didn't; not for 9 years.

The bracelet became old and worn from spending every moment with her, and she was constantly repairing it in some way. A lose thread would be re-tied; a fading color would be

replaced by drawing on it with a sharpie. I never found my bracelet, but it didn't matter. Rachel had hers, and we were connected. That's all that was important.

I drift back to dream land, thinking of the last night I saw Rachel alive. We had just finished eating dinner, and we went to go sit on the roof to watch the sunset. She had looked so

beautiful then, so confident yet relaxed. Rachel's only a year older than me, and we shared and did everything together. I asked her about if she was excited for turning sixteen. She

nodded, grinning. I told her about how I was scared about high school. She squeezed my hand and had said, "Don't worry Avery. I'll be here every day to help you." I had smiled at that,

believing her. We talked until our dad told us to come down, and then we talked in her room until we fell asleep. The next day, she got up early to take a hike in the mountains behind

our house and take some pictures with her camera. She kissed my cheek good morning and said she'd be back before afternoon. I had said okay and watched her walk out the door and

towards the path that led up to the mountains. She never came back.


	2. Pretending

_Chapter two: Pretending_

_

* * *

_

On the fifth day that Rachel was missing, they found her body. The investigators had said it was rare if she was found alive, but they still had hopes. Mom and dad came home with the news.

"Honey, they found Rachel." My mom's cheeks were outlined with permanent tear marks. "They found her."

The words echoed in my mind. _They found her. _

That moment, I knew that it was her body. They had not found my sister that was full of live and loving, they had found her body. Her shell.

I gulped. My throat seemed to close up, and I felt as though I was suffocating. I had no air. I could not speak, I could not cry. Images flashed through my mind – images of Rachel. My

body shaking, my lips quivering, I managed to spit out, "You're lying." And stumbled up the stairs, screaming.

* * *

"We don't think she felt any pain when she died," The investiator told us later that night. "There was nothing anyone could do for her."

Mom let out a sob and clutched onto dad's arm. They had found her beside a river bed, lying in the bushes, but well disguised by nature. "Everything's okay," he stated.

He sounded like he was telling us our alarm clock was broken. The way his voice sounded so useless…so stupid and dumb.

I was listing from the top of the stairs, my hand gripped tightly around the banister. Tears made a pool below me. My body shook with anger and pain, my mind was exploding in every

way possible.

"Here," He took something small out of his pocket and handed it to mom. "We found this on her…" Her hands quivered as she took it. It was red and white, with strings falling off of it…

"Rachel!!!" I screamed hoarsely and jumped down the stairs. I stumbled on every jump, not caring if I fell. I ran over to them and yanked the worn bracelet from my mother's hands. It

was her bracelet – Rachel's beloved bracelet. I fell to the ground, my body heaving in quick and full sobs, my voice screaming out her name:

_"Rachel!" _I shrieked and bent my head down into my lap, my mom collapsing next to me, also sobbing. "Rachel, Rachel my baby," She gasped, holding her hands around mine, leaning her

tired head onto my shoulders. The investigator hurried away, obviously not wanting to witness such a scene. But we didn't care. My dad leaned down too, his arms around us, his voice

cracking severely. "Rachel," He whispered. "Rachel," And there we stayed, huddled together, holding Rachel's bracelet, sobbing. There we stayed, mourning for Rachel.


	3. No more saving

_Chapter three: No more saving_

I wake up sweating. Darkness floods my eyes, and I looked around dazed. My eyes hurt from crying, my throat sore from sobbing. My stomach is still twisting uneasily. "Rachel?" I

whisper, wishing with all my heart that she was here. I hear no reply; I will never hear a reply from Rachel again. My stomach whirls around, letting me know I'm about to throw up again.

I hate the bathroom. It's where I puked when I first found out Rachel was dead. It's where I spent every night puking since Rachel was dead. I've been throwing up way too much – but

no one notices. They are all miserable over Rachel.

When I come out of the bathroom, I catch a glimpse of Rachel's room that is right next to mine. Mom is asleep on Rachel's bed, sniffling in her sleep. Mom is crying, even when she's

asleep? It is too much to bear. I run back to the bathroom.

* * *

The mornings are hardest for me, knowing that yet another day has come even though my sister is gone. I will myself to go another day for my parents. I will myself to go another day for

Rachel. I do not will myself to go another day for me.

* * *

"Honey?" My mom stands in my doorway in the morning, her eyes swollen and her face blotchy from crying. "H-honey?" She stammers once more. I ignore her. "Maybe…maybe you should

come downstairs. Your aunt Ruth is coming in from Florida today. She's going to spend some time with us." I suddenly sit up and look at my mother. Her eyes widen, obviously shocked

that I am even acknowledging that she is there. "Today?" I say, my voice dry from not talking. "She's coming…today?!" Mom nods her head a little. "Yes, today. We're expecting her

around lunch time maybe, I was thinking if you talked with her – " My mind explodes. "_Talk _with her?!?!" I scream, jumping out of bed. Mom takes a step back, looking almost scared of me.

I walk towards her slowly, choosing my words carefully. "You…want…_me…_to TALK WITH HER?!?!" Mom starts crying again, holding out her hands. "Baby, you're hurt, we all are," She

quickly tried to explain. I knew I was dragging her over the edge with me. _I'm not falling without you. _"You think I need help?!" I screamed. "WE ALL NEED HELP!!!" Mom lets out a sob and

puts her head in her hands. I put her face next to mine and say through my teeth, "Nothing is going to help me anymore. _Nothing." _Things fly through my head, my stomach feels

like steel. I know I am being crazy. I know I am being insane. I know that I am dragging my own mother down. I know this and I don't care. Rachel was the one to save me from myself.

She was always there for me. Now, she's gone. There is no one to save me. "Get out!" I scream and shove her out of my doorframe before I slam my door in her face.


End file.
